I don't need to be smarter than everyone ... just you

Stuart told me last night that men are obviously superior to women.

I was too impressed by his correct use of the word “superior” to say anything in return. It’s by far the biggest word I’ve ever heard him use in the correct context.

We were watching the final episode of “Battle of the Sexes” in which the girl team lost miserably to the boy team for the thirteenth and final time. The loss was more humiliating in that the last of the girls’ three wins occurred only because the boys strategically threw the game, one of them heroically sacrificing himself for the rest, so as to make sure they would face the weakest girls in the final round.

It’s not the first time this subject has come up. Trisha, one of the only other girls in the building, fresh out of high school and brand new to dealing with Army men, started an argument about whether girls are dumb. She wasn’t trying to prove that we are smarter than men, just equally smart.

Stuart’s argument: I don’t know any girls who can run as fast as I can, or do as many pushups …

Trisha’s argument: Kate, help.

Joe: It’s true, men are stronger than women.

My argument (and sole contribution to the dispute): I thought we were talking about brains. What does how fast you run have to do with your IQ?

Trisha: Oh yeah! We were talking about how women aren’t dumb!

Stuart: Name one female CEO of a billion dollar company. And don’t say Martha Stewart because I hate that b****. Don’t say Oprah either. I hate her.

Finding it difficult to debate that brilliant line of reasoning, I chose to remain an observer for the remainder of the conversation, which lasted only a few more seconds as Trisha conceded – suddenly realizing she was unwise to engage at all - and Stuart gloated.

For the record, Carly Fiorina is considered smart by many of the employees at Hewlett-Packard, of which she is CEO, and Marie Curie discovered radium. I could go on, but it would quickly become boring.

I actually have no problem conceding that men are built differently than women and that the majority of them are stronger and more physically capable. There are women out there who could run Stuart into the ground, but my self esteem doesn’t suffer from not being one of them. (Although when I do compete with men, I practically kill myself to keep up. I admit, like many female soldiers, I often feel I have to prove myself).

I also have difficulty taking offense to his statement that I’m dumb. This is mostly because any quarrel can be quickly ended when I use a word he doesn’t understand, and not wanting to give away his ignorance, he lets his eyes glaze over for a second, then leaves the room or changes the subject.

Stuart: Kate, you’re an idiot.

Kate: Stuart, why all this animosity between us? Why this angst?

Stuart: Hey does anyone want pizza?

I almost feel bad. It’s like making fun of handicapped people. But I must defend myself.

Let me make myself clear. I am not saying that I or women in general, are smarter than men. I think some men are brilliant. I am simply saying that I and women in general, are smarter than Stuart.

Also, based on the class of women I personally know him to spend time with I can hardly blame him for thinking little of the fairer sex. When I drove one of said women home from the bar one night, I wanted to jump out the window after five minutes.

Anyway, this all goes back to my point about feminism, from a few months ago. We should not be trying to prove that we are equal to men in all ways by trying to become them. We should celebrate our differences.

For instance I daily celebrate the difference between my intellect and Stuart’s.

Seriously though, I’m not trying to be snobbish. I like Stuart. If he were smarter it would be difficult to like him, but something about the depth of his stupidity makes him lovable. He’s like a big dumb monkey.

There, I’ve defended myself.