'Working hard, or hardly working?'

Never heard that before!

One of my numerous roommates recently found me sitting in the kitchen reading my Bible (which I’ve been known to do, much to the inexplicable distress of said roommates).

After greeting me, he launched into an extensive account of his search for tires for his wife’s car the previous day. Glancing around the kitchen and discovering there was no one else present, I concluded he must be talking to me, so I smiled, made a general comment of acknowledgement, then continued my reading.

Not to be put off, and apparently taking no note at all of the fact that I was not participating in the conversation, my guest pulled up a chair and continued his narrative. I offered an obligatory chuckle, thinking he must be nearing the end.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and branched out into a different subject. No longer even bothering to grunt acknowledgement, I studiously ignored him while reading the same paragraph over and over without ever really processing it, and become more and more irritated.

I don’t understand some people. I am never, upon entering a room and finding its occupant - barely even an acquaintance - buried in a book (although that rarely happens where I live), compelled to provide him with a banal update of my life.

I never look at someone and think, “Wow, he looks like he’s really concentrating. Probably he wants to hear about the new shoes I bought this weekend”

I also never have a burning desire when I pass people in the hallway to inquire whether they’re “having fun yet” and I will never understand why other people do.

It’s not funny. But the recipient of the comment is forced by common courtesy to laugh anyway, or offer some equally mundane and not-funny comment in return, despite both parties being aware that it’s not at all funny.

In what way does this enrich our lives? Why can’t we just smile and say “how are you today?” Why are we inclined to fill every last millisecond of awkward silence with clichés?

In case you’re interested in hearing me whine a little more, here’s another one. I’ll be reading a book and someone who just can’t get over the fact that I read (why is that so perplexing?) will ask me, “What are you reading?”

I hold up the book, and they have invariably never heard of it (despite my having held it up to them the previous day). “Huh. Never heard of it,” they reply. “You know what you should read? You should read …” and they proceed to tell me the entire plot of every book they’ve ever read. Unfortunately I discover at this point they’ve read much more than I would have given them credit for.

“Or, alternatively, I could read what I’m already reading or I could if you would leave,” I want to shout but, alas, don’t.

I know this sounds snobby, and it’s not intended to. The men I work with are great Soldiers, war heroes and good men in general. See, I told you I’d include something good in every article.

I’ll just have to do my reading at the coffee shop and continue explaining again and again that “Of course, I’m having fun, har har. How could I not, what with you insisting on asking me if I am every time you see me?”