A 'literal' case of writer's block becomes a lecture

I have scoured the internet, my imagination and the news - and have found nothing to write about today.

This could be because by "scoured" I mean "performed a cursory search with little or no enthusiasm."

Perhaps I'm just under the weather - literally. If you are a Washington resident, you are probably aware that I swam to work today. Okay not literally.

But while we're on the subject, let's discuss the use - and misuse - of the word "literal" in our vocabularies (look at that, a subject just appeared out of nowhere!)

Some definitions of "literal": free from exaggeration or embellishment; actual; exact; adhering to fact or to the ordinary construction or primary meaning of a term or expression. Basically the implication, when you say, "literally" is that you are not exaggerating. So why do we continue to use it when we are, in fact, exaggerating?

Allow me to elaborate.

A preacher last week in my church back home, while describing an experience he had, said it was "literally hell." By using the word "literal" he inadvertently assured the congregation he had actually visited hell.

Of course that's not what he meant, but the American language is rife with similar examples.

A friend tells you he is "literally freezing to death." An acquaintance tells you he is "starving. literally." A co-worker tells you it would "literally take an act of Congress" to get a task done.

If any of these speakers are to be taken at their word, an appropriate response to the first two would be shock, horror, and emergency measures. You can assume the third is trying to get something passed in Congress.

Oddly, we use the word to add credibility to our sentences - to emphasize our point - and in so doing make an innocent exaggeration into, quite literally, a lie.

Perhaps you should provide some suggestions for tomorrow's topic. Otherwise we will discuss the word "myself" and why it's almost never appropriate to use it.