conviction

so i got totally convicted this morning.

it was before prayer meeting and i was walking around the church praying by myself.

and i realized how foolish i've been.

i have this friend. and she's a wonderful friend and i love her more than anything. and she's been a wonderful friend TO me.

i mean sure i've done nice stuff for her. because i DO love her. i've bought her lots of stuff and given her gifts and whatnot.

but she has borne with me through so much. so many of my bad attitudes and stupid insecurities and she has been nothing but patient and quick to forgive and forget and given me so much grace.

and in return i have walked in a totaly spirit of offense. instead of quick to forgive i've been quick to hold the tiniest offense against her and assume the worst even though i know that i know that i know that she would never do anything to hurt me and all the worst things i've thought of her are totally outside her character. and really - REALLY - i knew that and i never thought those things of her at all. but i was so quick to listen to lies and believe that she didn't care or that she was totally indifferent to me.

and worse, i knew i was wrong and i was constantly apologizing but never changing. every day i'd get angry, apologize, and start the whole cycle all over.

so now this time i'm not apologizing. but i'm repenting. which means taking concrete steps in the opposite direction. i totally totally repent.

please forgive me again.