it's not my crown anyway...

I lay my crown down…

I had a vision while we were praying a few Sundays ago.

We were praying before church as the worship team typically does. I am not on the worship team but I am on the visual half of the audio-visual team. People visualize me. Okay not really. But anyway we were praying…

And we did that song “King,” where it says “casting our crowns before Your throne, we’ve come to worship You alone.”

Rebekah was praying about casting our crowns down in the throne room, which was something I had been thinking about over the previous few days.

And while she was praying I saw myself…in the throne room. And I was trying to wear a crown that was too big for me.

It was heavy and I couldn’t hold up my head well and it hurt my neck to try. It kept falling down over my eyes and blocking my vision.

And I thought that to kneel at the foot of the throne … to lift that heavy crown off my head and offer it up to Jesus … to say, “Here, Lord, this is Yours. It fits You,” should be such a sweet relief.

But even since then I haven't given it up. I'm still trying to maintain control. I still count my life as my own instead of His. No matter how many times I've proven I can't be trusted with it.

Why do I cling to it so stubbornly? I don’t wear it well, it doesn’t look good on me and it hurts me.

Jesus this is Yours. Take it. It fits You.