Pride is such an easy trap to fall into

The verdict is in.

I am, at least in some ways, one of the masses. But maybe it's not so bad.

The insufferably snobby part of my nature shies away from anything that is popular or held in high esteem among those I see as the uneducated (or overeducated), amoral, blindly conformist flocks of the American public.

You'd think it would be a good thing to be an individual - and it is, if it means "lliving a Godly life among pagans" and being separate from the crowds for the sake of Christ - but I find my refusal to conform often applies only to some areas of my life - reality TV, Jackass, the desire to get stumbling drunk and make out with a table lamp three nights a week, for instance.

But when it comes to other, more serious vices - greed, lust, pride, Starbucks - I'm quick to conform, just like the rest - sometimes even going against my actual desires, for the opinion of others (rather than the state of my soul) is often in the forefront of my mind.

It's interesting, when I step back and look at it, to try and figure out what the criteria are for things I scorn as being "too mainstream." What makes me look down on one thing with disdain, while being ashamed of my real moral aversion to other things - so much so, I've been known to pretend a lack of values where none exists?

I will behave as though I'm "above" a certain TV show (or a mind-numbingly syrupy, but nonetheless wholesome Hillary Duff film, for instance), but I have to make up an excuse to leave the TV room each night so no one will discern that I actually despise "South Park."

So I've decided it's not so bad to be one of the masses sometimes. And when I refuse to conform, it should be for the sake of righteousness, and so I can be a better ambassador to Christ, not so others will think me an intellectual.

Besides, being a "non-conformist" really only inserts one into another stereotype: the self-proclaimed "individual" who read books they barely understand, smugly debate the decline of society, spend hours trying to look like they don't care how they look and eventually end up smoking enough weed to dull their wits without necessarily bringing that fact to their attention.

I've decided it's time to enjoy what I actually enjoy, and say what I believe - to, instead of letting the fear of man dictate my behavior, (attempt to) hate nothing but sin, fear nothing but God, and know nothing on this earth but Jesus Christ and Him crucified, as John Wesley (and Paul) put it.

I will read "The Lord of the Rings," even though everyone on the planet is reading it also because it's a great series. (I will console myself with the knowledge that I first read it when I was half the age of the average consumer and long before Frodo's face was that of Elijah Wood.)

I can go into Starbucks - soulless and corporate as it is - and order a sugar-free, nonfat vanilla latte. I cringe inwardly whenever I do this, but try to remember that I've also cheerfully choked down motor oil passed off as coffee in the Iraq desert, and enjoyed homey, family-owned coffee shops in places like Fells Point, in Baltimore, where the streets are cobbled. Does this make sense? I don't have to feel like I'm a dull-witted follower just because I really like their coffee.

Just because I eat at franchise restaurants and read in giant chain bookstores and shop at Old Navy, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate culture.

And just because I got good grades and was memorizing Tennyson at the age of ten, that doesn't make me qualified to judge the rest of the people I know (some of whom are remarkably smart by the way).

It's possible some of them have more depth than I have given them credit for - possible, but unlikely. No, I'm just kidding.

I'm not really a snob, I just believe in accurate self-reflection. My dad told me it's important.

I guess my point is that all that crap doesn't matter. It's incidental. The only thing that really matters is living for Christ, and if I'm doing that, who cares ifI drink the same coffee as the rest of the masses?