Pick on someone your own age, for cyrin' out loud!
Those of you who know me … have you ever noticed a sign on my head that says, “If you’re old enough to be my father please hit on me”?
That’s the only explanation I can think of for why men within ten years of my age ignore me (not complaining) and men 20 and 30 years my senior find me irresistible (definitely complaining).
A new E-7 came to the company yesterday. For those of you who don’t know, and E-7 (sergeant first class) is two ranks above me and it takes some time to make that rank. One could make E-8 in 12-15 years on the fast track. So this guy is considerably older than me.
He asked me why I was in civilian clothes and I explained that Top (first sergeant) allowed me to work in civvies due to the nature of my job. There were several other people in the room at the time. He accepted my explanation and left.
A few minutes later, when everyone else had left the room, he returned. Sidling up to me, he asked in a manner I can only assume was meant to be smooth, “So. What’s your name?”
“Sergeant Robinson,” I answered, assuming my best preoccupied air. “First name?” he asked, not to be put off. “Kate.”
“Well, Kate, I’m Ken. Nice to meet you.” We shook hands and I focused back on the computer screen. “So,” he continued, lowering his voice and peering nonchalantly over the desk as if he’d misplaced something in the front of my blouse, “I can see why Top wants you to wear civilian clothes. It looks a lot better than your Army greens.”
WHAT? Where did that even come from? Has that type of line ever worked on anyone?
This isn’t the first time either. Since I was fifteen and working at my hometown newspaper I’ve had old men trying to pick me up.
The other night an old sergeant who had just explained to me that he’d been in the military since 13 years before I was born (and is somehow still the same rank as I) squeezed around behind me to get to his desk (there was plenty of room to just walk) and slid his hands around my waist as he did so.
I could think of literally (this is the correct use of the word) a dozen or more similar examples.
Before you freak out, Fnord, I don’t put up with that kind of behavior and neither does the Army. If it doesn’t stop after I warn them, the Army will nail them to the wall – as they did to that guy who sent me letters in Iraq, offering me money in exchange for … well, you get the idea. Anyway, I didn’t even know anything about it, but my commander got him demoted all the same.
But what is it about me makes old men think they can get away with that kind of thing? Is it just that as men get older, they lose all ability to read body language?
You see, men between the ages of 20 and 30 find me singularly unattractive. Which is fine. It means I no longer send any signals to them that say it’s okay to treat me with disrespect. As far as I can tell, they see me as smart, friendly and no-nonsense, and they don’t try anything.
This is a remarkable difference from the way the men at my last duty station viewed me, so I know the difference is in my behavior and I’m thrilled.
But what do I have to do to send the same signal to these old, sometimes married, always kind of disgusting men that their behavior is unacceptable?
I can’t file sexual harassment charges every five minutes. In fact I go to great lengths to avoid formal action.
I know most of you guys who read this are young, but you’re guys nonetheless. So help me out here.
I need to find a solution for this so I can help other young girls avoid perverted old men leering at them.
posted by Kate Robinson @ 11:08 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Well, one thing you can do is get yerself a young man. Old dudes won't try to compete with the young whipper snappers...
Seems like as guys get older, somewhere along the line they realize that brains matter more than breast sizes... Or, well, maybe they just realize that the youngens have a better shot at catchin one of them hot lookin numbers.
I'm guess'n my best advice is to hang in there for the last little while till you can say good bye to your current boss.
Then you can get yerself a fine young man to keep the old ones away...
/shrug
Three more months ...
Til I get out of the Army, that is, not until I find the right man.
That, I suspect, will take an act of God, so I'm trusting him to do it for me and at whatever time he chooses.
Its unfortunate that certain memeber of my gender act in such a way...I mean, do they really think in the dark recesses of their mind that such an act will at the very least go unanswered, if not received favorable? Good grief...I just dread the day my little sister (nearly 17 now) attracts some pondsc...I mean some boy that likes her. I mean, I might have to explain to someone what happened to him after I get ahold...I mean, meet him. :)
I've heard of girls finding a towering guy with bulging muscles that will allow the girl to get a picture with him.
Then whenever a scumbag hits on them they merely whip out the picture
It seems to me that most guys would fall into two groups in this area, the smart ones and the not-so-smart ones. You can tell the smart ones to get lost and they will realize that they've been rejected. If you tell the less intelligent group (of which most guys hitting on someone half their age probably fall) to get lost, they will merely see it as a challenge to overcome. These are the guys who I feel no pity for when they get kicked in the groin by the woman they were hitting on.
I like Rabenstrange's idea. See if you can find a 6'7", 310 lb. Navy SEAL to snap a photo with. When you show it to someone, say, "This is an old picture. He left the SEALs after an inicdent with some chemicals and now he works for Internal Affairs. Oh, he's fine. The chemicals just make him occasionally violent and irrational."
Just out of curiosity, have you noticed these creeps hitting on other women, too? The question goes to whether the source of the problem is with older military guys, or there is some weird wavelength emiting from you.
You pose a difficult question to answer.
1. I'm sorry you, and a lot of women, go through this. What you have described is inexcusable behaviour by your superiors and co-workers.
2. Until this post, I had no idea of your age, so now I would have to categorize myself in the age group of older men. I don't "hit" on women of any age because a) I'm married, and b) it's not my style. Many of my friends are like I am, but many aren't.
3. The behaviour you describe by your co-workers isn't isolated to the military. You'll, sadly, likely get similar treatment when you leave the military. Perhaps it's worse in the Army... I have no experience with it.
4. You've obviously endured these actions to this point without taking formal action. Given that you have 3 months to leaving the Army, I'd continue to put up with it unless you experience something more drastic or you believe strongly in pursuing it. The legal battle would be lenghty, uncomfortable, and likely unsuccessful.
5. When you're out, perhaps you'll have an opportunity to do something about this, particularly as a journalist.
6. My wife has had similar experiences, and she's a chemist. As a father of a daughter it makes me crazy to think about the kind of crap she'll be exposed to. As a father of 3 boys, I've always strove to teach them to respect everyone, especially women. Only time will tell if they learned anything.
7. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you have older men hitting on you, I doubt that you're unattractive. The fact that younger men in the Army don't hit on you may have more to do with rank and protocol than your looks.
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