alright, alright

i'm not that good at blogging. there, i said it. i'm just not. i apologize.

so here we go... read up because [as you ought to know by now], this may be the last post you see for a while.

things that are amazing include:

Jesus

that's it. i'm in a strange mood, but it's not bad.

james and i had an interesting talk on friday. why is it that when God promises us something that we actually want, we assume that because it is something we want, it must not really be God?

Let me see if I can explain better.

We know that God often does things that we don't understand - things that are painful at the time, but "for our own good." We know this is true and if we are wise we choose to submit to it, understanding that His plan for us is good and choosing to see beyond the circumstances, as they often appear hopeless. All this is good. I think we are also aware of our tendancy toward idolatry and a little afraid of how easily a good thing can become the focus of our worship. Therefore we become afraid of the good things themselves.

James preached an amazing sermon once about calling God's blessing a curse. He said something along the lines of "how dare you call His blessing a curse, just because you don't know what a blessing looks like?" In other words, don't assume that your situation is bad because that's what you see...acknowledge that things are being set into motion that are beyond your understanding and learn to recognize good when you see it.

All this is true and it's good.

but we become so accustomed to this God, that we forget that sometimes He just genuinely wants to bless us.

He promised me something a few weeks ago, and I believed it. Purely, wholly, joyfully. But not a week later I was doubting it. Not doubting His faithfulness to come through with His promises, but doubting that He had promised it at all. I was convinced that I had misheard, that I was just hearing what I wanted to hear. That because it was something I very much wanted and hoped for, it couldn't have been God. It had to have been me.

But who says that God doesn't sometimes promise us the things that we want? After all, isn't He the one who placed those desires in us to begin with? Why are we always looking for a catch?

Maybe every now and then we could just take His word at face value. Why do we assume that He's not going to grant us the desires of our hearts? Granted they don't always look like we expect them to look, these promised blessings. But if they look different it's because they look better. They often exceed your expectations, but never fall short of them.

I discussed this with a friend of mine the other day and she said "that softens my heart a little."

I couldn't have put it better. I want to know this Jesus who enjoys fulfilling the hopes He's given me. Not just the One who knows better than I do what's good for me.

I love how perfectly He achieves balance. I hate how dimly we are able to see it.

Does that make sense to anyone but me?