luke 1:45

okay so i realize i've been pretty severely neglecting this blog. i apologize. things at work have gotten very busy lately (praise God) and i rarely spend my off-work time on the internet because, well, i have a life.

so this is mainly just a status report. because i know that my (let's just be honest, shall we?) massive reader base must be truly suffering from the lack of knowing what's going on with Kate.

so let me fill you in.

someone said "to have found God and still pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love." i love that. i love the paradox that is a relationship with God. the constant moving forward, the growing pains and the constant comfort.

knowing that i am wrong so very very often and knowing at the same time that He takes pleasure in me and gives mercy with great joy. seeing so so so many times lately my tremendous shortcomings, my immaturity, my sin. and yet being genuinely joyful because what He does for a redeemed soul is too precious to waste on remorse and frustration with myself.

sometimes my heart is breaking.

i realize that is not a correct sentence but (at least to me) it best describes what happens. sometimes my heart is breaking. and i want so badly to do or say something to make things better but i realize that i can't. and God has been very very clear on this one.

"wait this out," He says to me. "trust Me. wait. trust. wait. trust." so i wait. and i trust. and even though my heart hurts and i'm frustrated... i trust. and i know from many many experiences that when you hear God say to wait and trust and against everything your flesh wants, you choose to do so... that He is. always. faithful.

all that being said, it's not the biggest thing that's happening with me so don't feel sorry for me. pray for me if you pray. but let this be known. that the biggest thing that's happening with me is victory. a certain foe of mine that's been with me for so long it very nearly became a friend... is vanquished.

Jesus is good. and faithful. and beautiful. and words are such unworthy companions in the task of describing Him. every last one of them fails miserably to do Him justice and when we open our mouths and spill our worn out cliches it only throws the weaknesses of our language into sharp relief.

what my soul would say...

anyway. all this sounds really dramatic. i don't know. what am i really trying to say?

merciful Jesus. i want to fall more in love with You.